When a drug addict holds the precinct hostage, Captain Barney Miller has to talk him out of it.

When a drug addict holds the precinct hostage, Captain Barney Miller has to talk him out of it.

A bomber targets the 12th Precinct. Fish contemplates retirement.

A bomber targets the 12th Precinct. Fish contemplates retirement.

The squad guards a department store payroll. A flasher attempts suicide in the bathroom.

The squad guards a department store payroll. A flasher attempts suicide in the bathroom.

Barney's friend is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the 12th precinct. Chano pursues an obscene phone caller.

Barney's friend is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the 12th precinct. Chano pursues an obscene phone caller.

A prostitute threatens harassment charges against Wojo. Rachel wants her own apartment.

A prostitute threatens harassment charges against Wojo. Rachel wants her own apartment.

Nosy neighbors interfere with a stakeout operation.

Nosy neighbors interfere with a stakeout operation.

Among others, the 12th hosts a drunken bureaucrat and the 12-year-old who robbed Chano's apartment. Wojo forces the precinct's favorite deli closed for minor health code infractions.

Among others, the 12th hosts a drunken bureaucrat and the 12-year-old who robbed Chano's apartment. Wojo forces the precinct's favorite deli closed for minor health code infractions.

An overeager female officer disrupts the all-male squad. Chano arrests an obscene phone caller.

An overeager female officer disrupts the all-male squad. Chano arrests an obscene phone caller.

Inspector Luger visits Barney to complain that the public doesn't dislike his men enough. Wojo arrests a cross-dressing teamster. A neighborhood vigilante is over the hill.

Inspector Luger visits Barney to complain that the public doesn't dislike his men enough. Wojo arrests a cross-dressing teamster. A neighborhood vigilante is over the hill.

The Precinct reluctantly guards a Mafia witness. Chano uses his fellow officers' cash reserve to set up a narcotics buy.

The Precinct reluctantly guards a Mafia witness. Chano uses his fellow officers' cash reserve to set up a narcotics buy.

Barney holds a resourceful escaped prisoner for the FBI. A self-declared bird-man drops in. Harris decides to write a novel.

Barney holds a resourceful escaped prisoner for the FBI. A self-declared bird-man drops in. Harris decides to write a novel.

A Serpico replica joins the squad temporarily. Bernice discovers that Fish spent the afternoon in a massage parlor.

A Serpico replica joins the squad temporarily. Bernice discovers that Fish spent the afternoon in a massage parlor.

Barney Miller is the kind of cop we'd all like to run into. He is always sensible. He maintains order over a squad room of detectives who gamble for a hobby, get hit on by anything in skirts, go to renaissance philosophy conventions for fun, and would really prefer to be writing. Nearly all of the action takes place in the squad room where the citizens and criminals are brought in to complicate the mix. Written by John Vogel jlvogel@comcast.net